Men's Pants [09.03.07]

By Jared Read

Mornings at the gym for me are never usually a time for any kind of observation, thought or consideration. I spend most of my time trying not to fall asleep on the cross trainer, and musing how early I can get away with going to bed when I get home.

But this morning was different. I saw a man wearing a pair of pants with Jeff Banks' name written across the waistband. Not unusual at all, but it did get get me thinking how very bizarre it was. Men wearing the names of other men on their underwear.

A (furtive) cast around revealed that as well as Jeff, there was also Calvin (Klein), Ben (Sherman), Tommy (Hilfiger), Ted (Baker), Dolce (and Gabanna), Ralph (Lauren) and oddly, Ian (Thorpe). Do women have the name of other women embroidered on their pants too?

When I was at school, everyone used to have their own name tagged inside their smalls, which made eminent sense. If you were unfortunate enough to lose them, you'd stand a fair chance of getting them returned. What happens now? Does the PE teacher, upon finding a random pair of kecks on locking up the changing room, now return them to their stated owner - Calvin / Ben etc - in a Jiffy bag?

Then I got thinking: what a great idea for a business. The wonders of digital print have until now only been applied to stuff like leaflets, posters, mailings etc. What about pants?

Imagine...pants that made a real statement about their owner. Fat people could have 'Bernard Manning' splashed across the waistband. Skinny people 'Mr Bean'. Geeks with a Doctor Who fetish 'David Tennant' or 'Tom Baker'. Gentlemen with considerable appendages 'Jeff Stryker'. Those with small ones 'Dave Petherbridge'. The possibilities are endless. Myself, I'd settle for a succinct 'Fuck Off'.

Any investors would be most welcome. Failing that, I'll get myself off to the Dragon's Den.

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Funnily enough Jared, you're not alone with this thought. We're thinking of producing 'Pixie' pants for the residents of Huddersfield! So yes, at least in the centre of the universe that is 'The Hud' the girls will not be left out! And they'll be able to choose the type of Pixie they are.... I'll let you use your imagination on this considering the pedigree of this fabulous town! Watch this space!

PS - If the wonderful people at Prego would like to design these pants then that would be splendid! ;o)

Rebecca Holden

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