Xmas Party '06 [21.12.06]
by Dave Green
Dwarves should be for life Steve…so please can we have one full time?
What have award-winning Italian cuisine, transvestism, a dwarf, a bucking reindeer, nacho-libre wrestling and no-limit Texas Hold’Em got in common?
The answer is none of them were out of place at the prego* 2006 Christmas party. With an eclectic band of dedicated and passionate individuals, it was always going to be difficult pleasing us all. So the Christmas committee set about offering something for everyone.
But wait…
… it can’t be …
… it is …
… oh my God, he’s smaller than Simon!
In walked Greg, a professional dwarf for hire, brought in by Steve to compere the evenings’ events and generally lower the tone (get it!) of the whole night. What a job he did, his little arms and bum bobbing along to Kylie and Oasis, and his tiny squeaky voice murdering Elvis’s In the Ghetto.
From this point forth the whole night became more surreal. ‘Back to the boardroom’ was the cry as we all staggered through the cold winter air comparing the ladders in our tights and asking such rhetorical questions as – “Does Jared look better as a man or a woman?” and “Anna, where did those bad boys come from?”.
In the boardroom, there was a very impressive erection gleaming with snow on the tip – our very own bucking reindeer! Everyone’s competitive spirit suddenly came to the fore, with friction burns, gonads and boobs popping out left, right and centre. But the highlight was Greg’s ill-fated attempt to stay on the reindeer for more than 3 seconds (first lesson of 2007 - dwarves do not make good rodeo riders).
The drinking and eating carried on upstairs into the early hours interspersed with Dave G being crowned ‘Undisputed Women’s Wrestling Champion 2006’, Jared bothering Anna relentlessly around the breast area and the dwarf trying to have his wicked way with the prego* fillies.
Then, what better way to cap such a bizarre evening than for us all to bed down, spoons style in the middle of the office, only to be awoken 2 hours later by the sunshine pouring through the window and Greg (the dwarf) walking around without a care in the world!
In summation, it would be true to say that much of the night’s events will sound rather strange to the uninitiated, but to us it was exactly what we love – very funny and everyone together!
It was genuinely a night I will never forget which means it met the brief and will live long in the memory. Not a bad epitaph for any Christmas party these days!
